Oh the Faces I Know!

Sig has many faces. As I am sure that I do, although I do not think that I have spent as much time staring into mine as I have found myself doing with him over these past seven weeks. I lose track of time, and have become one of those awkward moms who cannot maintain eye contact during a conversation, because apparently it is more important for me to look at my sleeping baby than practice decent social skills.

The face that warms my heart is the one that is such a vivid and exact replica of his dad. Alex says he does not see it the way everyone else does, but also reminds me that he knows my face better than his own because he does not look in the mirror for hours a day. I am learning to love Sig's face that doesn't remotely resemble mine. I remember when Alex and I were first dating and I would try to memorize each feature on his face, tracing his eyebrows and freckle marks with my fingers while he slept. Now I see my husband in my son's face, the frustration when Sig gets hungry, the uncertainty in his forehead when he doesn't understand something, the smile that starts on one corner of his mouth, the agitated eyes when he is tired and the pensive wonder that makes him seem like he is in another world. Funny to think that God gave me these two faces, so different from my own, yet more familiar to kiss and love my whole life. The face on this momma most days is contentment :)

Movin' on Up :)

It happened today. The moment that I knew was coming, the one that I would celebrate and that would still be bittersweet. Sig grew out of his newborn clothes. A box has been purchased, labeled and stored with my favorite items for a possible further child or nostalgia in twenty years. I am glad that I was never “baby-crazy,” and that in all of Alex’s and my conversations regarding Sig’s arrival, it was that of a human who we would get to teach, learn from and watch grow into a man. However, seeing his clothes get a little tighter as he stretches his legs means that many of the things I have enjoyed these last few weeks will soon be replaced. Sleeping on my chest will be replaced with keeping up with his crawling and responding to his hungry “clicks” will soon be listening to his observations and ideas.

We have had family weddings the last two weekends, which were emotional for me in that the last family wedding was when we found out we were pregnant. At each, Sig was held, admired and loved on by many. I found myself needing to grab him for quick momma cuddle sessions because I missed him so much. I hope to never forget special times like holding him close to me on a sunny afternoon while singing “Be Thou My Vision” into his ear along with other friends and family who live this hymn out every day. To celebrate love is such a special thing, whether it be the love of God, our love for our children or a couple’s love for one another. Alex and I sat on a porch swing overlooking the vineyard where the wedding was held, we reminisced where we were at four years ago as newlyweds before taking Sig in our arms out on to the dance floor to rock to some Michael Jackson.

I have been able to live in the moment more in the past six weeks than I have ever been able to, and I will continue to strive to do so through each milestone. I will celebrate his development, knowing that with every achievement he is becoming a little bit more of the man he is meant to be. 

 

One Month!

I am amazed how time flies. Sunday marked Sig's first month, and as I write this, the little boy who was inside me, moving around, getting ready to enter the world is grunting and playing with his hands. It is surreal that he is both here now, as Alex and I experience the newness of another life in our family, and that he hasn't always been here. He is truly our son, with his Alex furrowed eyebrows and his sun-kissed tan baby skin that reminds me that he is really mine.

He has done an amazing job keeping up with our family. He attended his first Family Reunion as the number 60-something member of the Hanstad family. After time with little cousins, great aunts and uncles and great-Grandma Gud, he spent the next few days sleeping off what my dad referred to as the "Hanstad Hangover" from so much activity and socializing. We are so grateful that much of the Carlson extended family came out this weekend for a wedding, and that Sig had the opportunity to be with even more family members who already love him so much.

As I begin to think about going back to work a couple of days a week, I want to capture what these last few weeks have been for both Alex and I as I have had the opportunity to be fully present at home as wife and momma. The days have flown by, but are marked by the following:

-Sig on dadda's lap each morning for "bring your baby to work day"
-"Khloe-LEAVE IT" as she attempts to lick Sig's face (we swear his first word will be Khloe, as it is the word said most frequently in our house)
-laundry blowing on the line in the backyard, full of tiny onesies
-4 or 5 outfit changes a day
-the click of our gate in the backyard as so many wonderful friends and family come to sit in the sunshine and love on the little guy
-daily outings with girlfriends to go on hikes, out on a boat, walking around Greenlake and shopping
-lots and lots of Starbucks dates with friends (he is getting acclimated to Seattle coffee culture at a young age)
-lots of cold cereal as I try to feed myself between his feedings
-many, many pictures as we try to capture every face and moment, as we know it will fly by
-learning his different cries
-Khloe by his side so often that we find ourselves referring to Sig as "her baby"
-bringing him up to communion as Pastor Jim Sundholm laid hands on him and blessed him
-losing track of time as I watch him sleep
-singing the same Lullaby a few times each night and never tiring of his facial expressions as he listens
-the outpouring of cards, blankets and gifts that seem to arrive daily
-his glittery face from my bronzer as I kiss and cuddle him
-"Diaper Days" in the backyard on these 80+ degree days
-Sig-to-skin dadda cuddle time while Alex is on the iPad

As I read ahead in my childhood development books, I am already looking forward to hearing his coos and laughs and seeing how he continues to explore and grow. However, I am learning to live in the moment. Moments like the following remind me how precious time is:

The summer evening warmth as my dad barbecues, Alex collects hydrangeas from my mom's garden for our table at home, my mom washing vegetables from her garden before bringing me a clean towel as I bathe Sig in a bin on top of the hot tub while the following song plays in the background:

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I turned to my dad as he gazed at his bundled, clean-smelling grandson and said "I know I'm going to miss this."